Two months. Sixtyish days. That is how long little Hannah has been a part of our family. It seems like a dream to think back upon how she walked bravely into our hotel room, took our hands, and never looked back. Over the past two months we have been learning more about this precious little one, who has been adjusting to her new life with us. It is so clear that she knew love, expects love, and gives love. The days where she was frozen with the insecurity of the unknown are being replaced by confidence which comes from routine and predictability. Her sweet smile permeates even hardened hearts. Her tiny voice brings a smile to all who hear it.
I think back to how fearful I was prior to her adoption. I worried about my capabilities of parenting four, the financial aspect, the logistics of 5 people living in a 2 bedroom condo, of our stable family unit being upheaved again, ect, ect, ect. All of this silly worry for nothing. He knew her, knew us, and knew how perfectly that she would fit. That we, all 5 of us, were MEANT to be family.
Hannah's days are filled with play. She loves being outside, playing with water or sand. She loves to push her doll stroller around with her panda in it. She loves helping, whether it is folding laundry or grabbing a wipe to help "wash" the floor. Hannah has a pure sense of kindness, asking "are you ok" if she sees anyone struggling. She will sometimes pat my back if I am holding her. She still loves to ride in the ergo carrier, and gently puts her head down. These moments are some of my most cherished with her. Hannah is learning english rapidly, and in just 6 weeks is able to use some 4 word phrases. "I love you more" is her favorite (and my favorite)! I love that she continues to use some of her Chinese too, tonight saying "Yao Yao shui jiao" (Yao Yao is her Chinese name, and shui jiao is go to sleep). Hannah loves to dance, moving her head from side to side. She is trying some new foods (she likes pizza) and loves if I cook some familiar Chinese foods. The littlest things excite her, such as driving through a tunnel. It has been so fun to see things through her eyes, and experience even the mundane in new ways with her.
Sleep times continue to be the most challenging for her. Although she no longer falls asleep sitting up, she is very, very restless. Sometimes it can take 90 minutes for her to fall asleep, the shortest time was 20 minutes. We keep a very consistent routine, but it is hard for her to settle. I think she might feel most insecure at bedtime, so she fights it. She is not upset, or crying. She lays down with her little head on my chest and wait for sleep to come. Once asleep, she will sleep through the night.
Hannah adores her sisters, and they adore her. They laugh and are silly with her. She always makes them smile as she calls each of their names or goes running to them when they've been apart. She imitates everything they do, and is learning so quickly.
As I think about two months with our newest family member and the deep love and gratitude I have for her, I can't help but consider the loss that her foster family and birth parents must feel. Her foster family loved and cared for her for a year, including the morning of the day she came to our family. Her birth family loved and cared for her for close to a year. I cannot even fathom not having her in our lives after such a short time as two months, or even after two minutes of meeting her. The girls and I are all richer for having her with us. She adds such joy. Such love. Such sweetness. How I hope that her birth family and foster family will somehow know my gratitude to them for giving her a foundation where she knows how to give and receive love. I hope that they know our girl is loved more than I ever thought possible. And how I pray that someday I can tell them this in person.
