My baby girl has been with us for nine months now. Nine months of joy unimaginable with her. We have settled into life and try to enjoy the moments that each day brings.
As I think back to where she was nine months ago, even 3 months ago, it is unfathomable how far she has come. The days of waking up in the morning and panicking if I am not beside her are now gone. She will sleepily come to the kitchen to find me, now expecting that I will still be here. She is able to fall asleep quickly on the days when she does not nap, and does not always need to be on me to fall asleep. She still has occasional night terrors, often crying "mama, mama". There are times when she will be laying beside me, and says "mama I scared". She can't articulate why. It reminds me of all that she has been through in her life, and that her fears are real. I try my best to reassure her, and remind her that I will keep her safe. That I am not leaving her. Sometimes the words "mama keep me safe" are the last words she speaks before she goes off to sleep.
Hannah Joy still clings to me each morning as I need to leave her at daycare. She understands I will come back, but clearly would rather stay with me. As I drive away, sometimes I am jealous that the teachers get to spend the day with her, experiencing her sweetness, while I have to work. But how I love how she comes running and shrieking to me with the biggest grin on her face when I return to pick her up. It is a gift I will never take for granted.
There are still situations where I see the repercussions of everything she has experienced. Times where there is fear in her eyes, and her confidence is shaky. She has not yet transitioned to the preschool class at church. She comes to class with me, will not leave my side, and shows minimal interaction with others. Every.single.week. It is only later, that her fear and insecurity begin to subside, and her joyful, playful confidence comes back. My sweet girl is learning that I will be there for her, but she does not yet fully trust it. As her mother, I will continue to build that trust, and enjoy the moments where she needs the extra care.
Hannah Joy no longer eats everything in sight, and will leave food on her plate or refuse foods she doesn't like. She loves to play with her sisters, joining in with anything they do. Her smile is contagious, and can snap anyone out of a sad mood. She has a sensitive heart, and will be the first one to comfort her little peers if they are crying. In many ways, she is wiser beyond her years. Maybe because of everything she has experienced in her short 3 years of life, she has such empathy for others. When she makes a mistake, or digs her heels in if I ask her to do something, she will say "I'm sorry", completely unprompted.
This child is incredibly funny. She loves to laugh and smile, and loves for others to laugh with her. She loves to be naked, and shows no modesty, as she hops around the house. She is playful, and has endless energy. She truly has such a zest for life.
The amount of language she understands and expresses is nothing short of amazing. She picks up things so quickly. Recently, she saw her hematologist who wrote "The patient is speaking exceptionally good English considering she came to the US only 8 months ago. She is quite a clever 3 year old".
She is growing so fast, and learning things so quickly. There are days when I wish it would slow down. That she could be little like this for just a while longer. It's funny how that works; I wished the time away until I could adopt her and now I wish for it to stand still.
My baby girl is a miracle. She is the first child adopted from her orphanage with thalassemia. Ever. I know that God has big plans for her. She is special. She grabs the hearts of all she comes in contact with. What an honor it is to be the one chosen to be her mother.
No comments:
Post a Comment