Bittersweet goodbyes

Tonight is our last night in Guangxi, and thinking about it brings about waves of enormous gratitude and sadness. This place holds such a special place in my heart for me, beginning almost 11 years ago when I first became a mother. Since that time in 2002, I have been blessed with the three other adoptions from here, including this one of sweet Hannah. I have also had the opportunities to work alongside incredible friends who take care of some of the most fragile of lives. I have been given so many gifts by the people of this beautiful region of China, including the most precious gift of raising 4 daughters. I am humbled that God would choose me as the mother to these amazing little girls. And so, it is hard for me to leave, to say goodbye. And in some ways a piece of me always remains here. Tomorrow we head to Guangzhou to begin the next phase of the adoption. This week completed the Chinese part of the adoption. In China's eyes, Hannah Joy Wanyao is ours. Tomorrow, I will receive her Chinese passport to bring to Guangzhou so she can have a US visa. In Guangzhou, the paperwork will be recognized by the US Consulate so that Hannah will be a US citizen and my daughter. We are then free to fly home. I know once I arrive in Guangzhou, I will feel ready to come home. But for now, my heart breaks to leave the place with so many cherished memories. And yet, it is time. It is time to begin the next phase of our journey. Hannah continues to amaze us all with her spirit and adjustment. She is a beautiful child, with both inner and outer beauty. She is such a gentle soul. Her smiles are becoming a bit more frequent. She is understanding language at a rapid pace. Yesterday, she started answering "da" when asked if she was "all done". Today, she said "bye bye" when her sisters went to the pool. She is following simple directions like "give to Mama" or "put in the trash". When I asked her if she wanted to see her sisters, she shook her head yes. Only three days of english. It is nothing short of amazing. She has a nice attention span, and persists with tasks for long time without getting frustrated. When we are out in public, she continues to show anxiety and caution and finds comfort with being held in the sling or ergo carrier. She will not look at people if they address her. I try to tell them she is still scared, and all of this is so new. Her nighttime routines are still the most difficult. When she knows it is time for sleep, her eyes fill up and spill over. Silently. It is heartbreaking. But I know that this is normal grieving, and all we can do is be there with her as she goes through it. So tonight, my prayer includes thanksgiving for these lives that I am gifted with, and gratitude for the people who gave them life. I am so grateful to be forever connected to this amazing country, especially to our beloved Guangxi. And I hope and pray that one day He will give us the chance to return. Until then, we will hold this place close to our hearts. .