Thankful

It's official. In the eyes of the US government, Hannah is ours! We had our appointment at the US Consulate here in Guangzhou where her visa will be issued for her Chinese passport, and she will receive citizenship as soon as we land on US soil. Amazing. I met a mother at breakfast here in our hotel who had both biological and adopted children. As we were talking, I told her I thought that the stress of adoption paperwork, travel, ect equaled labor. She immediately smiled, and said it was HARDER. She said, having had children both by birth and adoption, the adoption "labor" was so much tougher. Knowing your child was on the other side of the world, and needing to wait and trust that she would be ok...and being powerless about everything is hard. Really hard. This 4th adoption process has been the hardest for me (and yet the adoption trip itself has been the easiest...at least so far). There was so much I had to just surrender, and trust. It was scary. It was scary to trust fully. I'm not even sure what I was most afraid of (being so outnumbered, wondering how we would all "gel" as a family of 5, time management, resources, ect) but there were many days when I knew it was just a matter of faith and I was being led. There were sleepless nights. There were times I wasn't even sure of what to pray. But friends listened and supported, and knew what to pray. People stepped forward. They offered resources for the adoption and for child care. They offered to take the girls out for a day so I could complete adoption paperwork. The support was overwhelming. A dear friend kept telling me, He sure wants this little one home, and God is moving mountains for this girl. So.very.true. This adoption happened in record time. Her file was locked Feb. 26th. My dossier was logged in March 1st. She was in my arms June 3rd. Friends who have adopted internationally, especially from China will understand the miracle in this. Receiving Hannah, I realize how silly it was to be so fearful. She is completely perfect for our family. She is the most easy going toddler I have ever met (and I work with toddlers!). She is so much fun. A friend once told me that her daughter is like her heart on the outside of her body. I feel that with Hannah. I knew she would be a gift, even through my fear. She would be my last chance to have a baby again. And yet this gift is so much better than I ever imagined or dreamed. At night, as she falls asleep in my arms, I can only thank and praise Him for giving me her. For choosing me, out of the thousands of families who are adopting, to be her mama. To hear her sweet voice and hold her tiny hand. To have her beautiful eyes look into mine before she closes them to sleep. To witness her transformation from somber, scared toddler into one filled with joy and happiness. He chose me for this, and the words thank you do not seem strong enough to express what I feel in my heart.